Overall, this book is recommended for counselors, and those individuals who've suffered trauma that they cannot easily find cause for. Because I believe there are ways to come to deep compassion and forgiveness to help an individual let go of their trauma that was inflicted on them by their parents so that they don't have to repeat the abuse. He covers almost every other area-murders in the family, alcoholism, etc, but how do you reconcile with a parent (or parents) who sexually abused and manipulated you? Especially if sexual abuse runs for several generations, as it often does? Unfortunately, he doesn't cover this topic in the book, which is a shame. One caveat: I wish deeply he would have covered is a family history of sexual abuse. Wolynn is convinced that reconciliation with these family members, especially estranged parents, is the key to helping adults resolve their problems. Wolynn's whole practice is dedicated to helping make these familial connections to trauma to help individuals let go of the anxiety, depression, or suicidal guilt that may actually have little to do with their own traumatic events. The best piece I took away from this book was that the individuals who suffered the most from this inherited family trauma came from ancestors who NEVER spoke of the trauma, except in bits and pieces that most likely terrified the young child who heard of the family lore that never got resolved. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing. ![]() For instance, if a mother had a miscarriage or stillborn death in the family and never spoke of it again to her next-born daughter, that daughter may one day carry the guilt and shame of being "invisible", just like her long lost sibling was. Praise for It Didn’t Start with You This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Wolynn believes that this language is the key to resolving these family issues, especially if the trauma has never been brought up in a family of origin. He believes that we all have a "core language" that we unconsciously use to speak of our deepest fears (i.e., "I don't deserve to live", "I'll never be good enough", etc) that may have been used by a previous family member-a mother or father, most likely, but also a grandparent or other relative who's been traumatized. ![]() Mark Wolynn is the Director of the Family Constellation Institute, where he and his colleagues delve into 3 and 4th generational family issues to help heal or resolve trauma that does not have an immediate understandable cause. A fascinating in-depth look at inherited family trauma.
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